Why did the chicken cross the road?
(Taken from my friend Dulith Herath's webpage <http://sac.uky.edu/~dvhera0/>... thanks Dulith!!)
POLITICAL
FIGURES:
Chandrika
Kumaratunga:
It was a result of the 17 years rule of the
UNP. I will appoint a commission to look into that
matter.
Ranil
Whickramasighe:
The UNP as a national party will oppose
any such move by any chicke to cross road. We will hold a
Satyagraha, and file a violation of fundamental rights case in the supreme
courts!!!
G.L.Peris:
The chicken did'nt actually cross the road. I cn prove this
to you By using the statistics
released by he Central
Bank. There have been such instances in other developing countries as well
..... This shows very good economic growth.
C.V.Goonarathne:
The chicken crossed the road to end the 17 year old curse of bribery,
corruption, and terror...
Upon reaching the other side
of the road, the chicken will ensure a new era of prosperity... and a
real difference.
Mangala Samaraweera:
There aren't any chicken
crossing any roads. It is a deliberate lie woven by the United National
Party to defame the government of her excellency Chandrika
B.Kumaratunga.
Anurudha
Ratwatte:
The road will be crossed within a matter of
months. (after four years): The chicken has crossed
96%
of the road, the restt will br crossed within a couple of months.
Anura Bandaranayake:
The chicken crossed the road so that it could be in the
opposition.
M.H.M.Asraff:
Ask the chicken to come back immediately. Otherwise we will
withdraw all suppor to any chicken....
SPORTS PERSONALITIES:
Arjuna Ranatunga:
Actually, I thought that it was
a pretty good road to cross.... so I thought of inviting the
chicken to cross.. I think we'd have a Better chance chasing it... that's
what the boys like to
do.
Sanath Jayasuriya:
Err.... yes. The
road was coming to the chicke ... So I just though I will go there and start
crossing ...Yes, I enjoyed crossing the road. Yes. Thank
you.
Romesh Kaluwitharana:
Arrr yes, Ijust did my usual thing ... Yes, It was a very
good road to cross. I enjoyed it. Yes
Thanks. Yes. thank
you.
Aravinda De Silva:
Well, I thought that it was a very good road to cross. The
road Came to the chicken fairly
well..and the raod was
turning a bit as well.. I just went there and concentraed on crossing the
road... I enjoyed crossing it. I thought that the boys
helped me a lot too.... I couldn't have
crossed the road
without them.....
Muralitharan
Muttiah
Yes, it was a turning road..... I think it
helped the chicken a lot I enjoyed crossing the
chicken...
Tony
Greig:
Oh, these Sri Lankan chicken.... these guys are
marvelous... these chicken from Sri Lanka.... I
love to
see them crossing the road... they are so full of enthusiam & energy... They
are the best.
Seen and Heard...
Notice in
barber's shop:
Sign on a famous beauty parlour window:
IRS slogan:
Haircut for Rs 8.00, Children for Rs
5.00
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your
grandmother.
We've got what it
takes to take what you've got.
Sure Signs You're Taking It All Too Seriously
(Malli, thanks
for the forward!!)
You ask the
waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
You decide to re-organise your family into a
"team-based organisation."
You refer to dating as test marketing.
You can spell "paradigm." You actually know what
a paradigm is.
You understand
your airline's fare structure.
You write executive summaries on your love letters.
Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
You think that it's actually
efficient to write a ten-page presentation with six other people you don't know.
You celebrate your wedding
anniversary by conducting a performance review.
You believe you never have any problems in your life, just
"issues" and "improvement opportunities."
You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
You explain to your bank
manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as
opposed to "in debt."
You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this
off-line".
You can
explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering",
"down-sizing", "right-sizing", and "firing people's
asses."
You talk to the
waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
You refer to your previous life as "my sunk
cost."
You refer to your
significant other as "my co-CEO."
You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
You believe the best tables and
graphs take an hour to comprehend.
You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an
expense.
You insist that you
do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
Your "deliverable"
for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
You use the term "value-added" without falling
down laughing.
You ask the car
salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.
You give constructive feedback to
your dog.
BTW: Over 90% of the
above points are applicable and acurately describe my future systems consultant/
management consultant/ investment banker College buddies. And we are damn proud
of it too!!!
(Thanks Vivek)
Hey you all,
Two big things are coming up:
1) A movie (probably "Fire") will be shown on the
1st weekend after break.
2)
MASECA is making a movie!!! Basically, it will be a Hindi movie parody. It will
be produced with on campus organization BPS and will be shown on Channel 6.
Here are the details:
Producers & Directors: Mr. Diwakar Thapa, Nathan &
Vivek.
Script: Ashif, Vivek,
Diwakar, Nathan, Sheeba, Faith and anyone else interested.
Music and Sounds: Shamir
Camera etc: Lym-Sung, anyone else?
Cast/Roles (some of these were
"volunteered" in the spirit of MASECA):
Usman Waheed = Villain }:/
Ashif Rahman = Amitabh B. = Villain's Sidekick
Hero = Nayeem Ahmed (body double
Hamza)
Hero's Mother = Nani Ma
Hero's Mother's Sister = Mukta
Hero's Father = Hamza
Hero's Father's Buissbess Partner
= Jason Rhea
Heroine = Nushki
:) (with co stars/body doubles Sheeba + Swati)
Heroine's Mother = Prasanti
Heroine's Father = DJ!!!
Guy Who is a British Born Expatriate Who is Madly in Love
with Nushki = Anurag
The
above's Tanzanian Born Sidekick (and trained pet chimp!) = Shamir
The Guy's Girlfriend = Ankita
Random Pimp 1: Vivek
Random Pimp 2: Lym-Sung
Driver = Ambar
Politician = Gautum
Guest Star and maybe Narrator = Sukhatme
Everyone else: Extras!
We stopped the meeting after a while, and are
missing roles etc. for some folk: Brandi, Hiam, Diya, Diksha, Liz, Shruti,
Tasneem, Dechen, Tayaab!, anyone else I
am forgetting?
So make sure to be at the next meeting so that we can get started on the
movie!
~ Vivek
From Mary Louise Gilman's Books on Court Room Blunders...
Q. Do you
know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was
August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband
doing at that time?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe
that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How
many times have you committed suicide?
A. Four times.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies
have you peformed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Officer, what led you to
believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronounciate
his words.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Mrs. Jones, is your
appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
attorney?
A. No. This is how I
dress when I go to work.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I
must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if
you have any.
Q. Did he pick
the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the
dog's ears?
A. Picking them up
in the air.
Q. Where was the
dog at this time?
A. Attached
to the ears.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. When he went, had you gone
and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all
the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning
you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your
responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
(Thanks for the forward Jeya!)
* On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
* On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
* On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a childs superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
E-mail: Dimuth Jayawardhane - [email protected]